How to Be Desirable

Improving your success in life may boil down to choosing the right friends, mates and partners. Your physical appearance and personality traits play a large part in how desirable you are to new people. Review the best ways to optimize your desirability before your next night out or next job interview.

EditSteps

EditPersonality Desirability

Be relaxed. A carefree attitude is very desirable, because so many people feel stressed and worried. They desire relationships that are positive and worry-free.
- Try a joke to break an uncomfortable silence. Laugh regularly without covering your mouth to prove you are someone who knows how to have a good time.

Be confident. Go up to the other person or start a conversation. Don’t be self-deprecating when you are meeting new people.
- Say “You caught my eye and I was hoping we’d have a chance to talk.”
- If you have tried and the person doesn’t seem interested, have the confidence to walk away. Leave knowing that the person is losing out on a chance to get to know you.

Foster emotional intelligence. Pick up on physical and emotional cues, such as body language. Someone who has social smarts and empathy is a more desirable partner, because they will care about others’ feelings.

Be passionate about something. Employers, family members, friends and partners appreciate someone who has life goals. Whether it’s work, a charity, a hobby or a culture, passion will set you apart from others.^[1]

Be yourself. Instead of trying to project characteristics that you think another person would find desirable, try not to change how you act depending upon whom you are around.

Be self-sufficient. Needy and co-dependent people will turn people off quickly. A man who can cook or a woman with a successful career is very desirable for their independence.

EditPhysical Appeal

Give thought to your appearance. Don’t leave the house with wet hair, sweat pants or with mismatched socks. Generally, a few extra minutes ironing a shirt, shaving and combing your hair will improve your desirability.
- A 1997 scientific study found that “self-care” factors had more influence on attractiveness than height, body type or other unchangeable attributes.^[2]

Foster a sense of style. Invest in clothing that fits your body. You don’t need to buy “sexy” clothing, but both men and women respond to people who are self-aware and present themselves well. ^[3]
- Make sure you are dressing your age and accentuating your best traits.
- If you need help with this step, ask a person who’s style you like where they get their clothes. Ask someone of the opposite sex what looks best on you when you go shopping.

Exercise. A person who exercises shows discipline and an interest in health.
- If you are a woman and you want to work out in order to maximize your desirability, measure your waist circumference and your hip circumference. Divide the former by the latter. Aim for a decimal below 0.8, which is a sign of an hourglass figure.^[4]
- If you are a man and you want to work out to maximize your desirability, aim to have a higher waist to shoulder circumference. Many women and men find a triangle torso more desirable than a flabby midsection.

Value your health. Desirability in a mate has its roots in finding a healthy partner for procreation. Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of activity and avoid habits like smoking and binge drinking.^[5]

Draw attention to your lips. Use lip balm, or if you are a woman, use red lipstick. In a social setting, plump, red lips are attractive and sensual.^[6]

Give the appearance of wealth. An expensive watch or nice coat may attract someone who is looking for a good provider. Although this might not be a lasting connection, it can lead to more options for partners.^[7]

Have good posture. Standing up straight with your shoulders back projects confidence, physical health and height. Consider consulting a physical therapist if you find it hard to change your posture on your own.^[8]