Some people just can't take a hint—not for lack of trying, but because they actually don't know how. It can be frustrating for both them and you to communicate when it feels like you're speaking two different languages. Here is how to speak so they can understand, and communicate in a positive manner.
EditSteps
- Understand the person and their personality. Literal, straightforward thinkers are most likely left-brained and see most tasks as a list of steps. They can miss the intricate complications of other people's conversations, sometimes because they're too focused on other things.
- This doesn't necessarily mean that they are "broken" or "slow," just that they specialize in other areas. They might find it easier to integrate a polynomial, or fold an origami flower, than to interpret a nuanced conversation.
- Recognize that they aren't wanting anyone to be frustrated. Some people think differently, including autistic people and people with intellectual disabilities. They aren't trying to think literally; it's simply the way their brain is structured. (They may be getting frustrated too!) Don't blame them, and instead think of how to accommodate them.
- Avoid sarcasm. State things as they are, and don't imply things and expect them to "get" everything you're saying. Sometimes people need to know stuff straight, without implications and gestures and euphemisms with every third word of your sentence.
- If you're going to be sarcastic, clearly change your tone of voice and roll your eyes as you speak. Then look back to them. It might be helpful to criticize things that they already know you don't like. If they're confused, you can explain "That was sarcasm. I don't actually believe that."
- Avoid sarcastically or jokingly criticizing them. This can hurt and confuse them, and won't be effective, because they'll be stressing about figuring out what you mean and if they did something bad.
- Say what you mean. Hints may sail over the head of a literal thinker. Don't say "I'm fine" when you're not fine, or cough and look at your watch when you want to say that you need to get going. Being clear will allow them to catch the full message, so that they know how to respond.
- Use "I" statements to handle difficult feelings. For example, instead of "you're annoying," say "I have a hard time focusing when you tap your pencil on your desk loudly."
- Be open to explaining. If they don't get it the first time, try rephrasing your words more clearly. Watch their expression to see if they're still struggling, or if they get it now. Let the pace of the conversation be fluid, based on each person's needs.
- Run interference if you notice miscommunication between this person and others. If someone else is trying to be subtle, and your friend is missing the cues, step in to clear things up. You can make a gentle suggestion to the literal thinker, so that they have the information to know how to act.
- Say something like "Joshua seems like he's in a hurry. Why don't we talk about this later?" or "Marisol's sarcasm can be pretty subtle. She's not criticizing you, she's criticizing your professor for being so judgmental."
- It may be worthwhile to take the other person aside and let them know that it helps to be clearer with this person. For example, "It can be hard for Maya to decipher subtle hints, and I think she was struggling to guess what was on your mind. Next time, it might help for you to tell her outright how you feel."
- Work on being patient and understanding. Different thinking and learning styles are one part of human diversity, and struggles with nuanced language don't make someone less worthwhile or important. Make it clear that you don't think any less of them or their mind.
EditTips
- Avoid condescending or talking down to the person. Whether they are disabled or not, there is no need to treat them like a child. They are an adult; they just have slightly different needs.
EditWarnings
- Avoid asking if they are disabled. If they do have a disability, and they feel comfortable saying so, they will. Because some people view disability as insulting or "less than," a non-disabled person might get offended if you suggest they are disabled.
EditRelated wikiHows
- Teach Figurative Language to Autistic People
- Communicate with a Mentally Challenged Person
- Stop Being Sarcastic
- Talk to an Autistic Person
- Get Along With Conceptual Thinkers
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Along-With-Literal-Thinkers