How to Interact With People Who Have Disabilities

It's not uncommon to feel a bit uncertain talking to or interacting with someone who has a physical, sensory or intellectual disability. Socializing with people with disabilities need be no different from any other interactions, but if you're not familiar with a given disability, you might fear either saying something offensive or doing the wrong thing by offering assistance. To ensure that you start off on the right track, here are some dos and don'ts to keep in mind.

Edit Steps

Realize that disability is universal. Think about the friends or family members you know with disabilities. Perhaps they have arthritis or other physical limitations and are unable to walk up stairs. Perhaps they have a hearing problem, or are on a special diet due to diabetes, or have a visual impairment and wear glasses. Disability of one kind or another is something that we all experience personally in life, sooner or later. Thus we will all have times when we need a little help and understanding.

Learn from people in your life. If you are able to be considerate of the people you know, you will also be able to do the same for strangers. Ask the people you know how they feel, what they prefer, how they react to situations, and take your cues and lessons from them. You can use the same lessons with strangers.

Understand that most people with disabilities have adapted to them. Some disabilities are present from birth, and others come later in life due to accident or illness, but either way, most people learn how to adapt and take care of themselves. Most are independent in everyday living.
- When people develop disabilities later in life, it may require lots of adjusting on their part. Things that they were able to do naturally now require adaptation and patience, and there are some things they may never be able to do without assistance or assistive technology. They may need help for tasks they once did without thought. But none of this means that they can't adapt to a new way of life, and as such, while they may require your support, they do not need your pity.

Put yourself in their position. How do you want others to treat you? Talk to people with disabilities as you would anyone else. Welcome them if they are new in your class or workplace. Never stare at them or act condescending or patronizing. Don't focus on the disability. It is not important that you figure out what their particular problem is; it is only important that you treat them as an equal, talk to them as you would to anyone else, and act as you would normally act if a new person entered into your life.
- Don't be afraid of asking what disability a person is dealing with if you feel this might help you make a situation easier for them (like asking a person if they would prefer to take the elevator with you instead of the stairs if you see they have trouble walking). Chances are, they've been asked that question a million times, and they know how to explain it in a few sentences. If the disability resulted from an accident or the person finds the information too personal, they will most likely answer that they prefer not to discuss it.

Casually and naturally ask if you can be of assistance to them, as appropriate. Never act as if you have not noticed them. Ask if you can help, but do not insist on it if they tell you they do not need help. If they accept, help as you would anyone else, and follow their directions. Be friendly, be considerate and be supportive.
- Don't be afraid to offend anyone as long as you are polite and courteous. You don't have to be ashamed of being interested in people. If you want to verbalize your feelings, you can say you didn't mean to offend. The other person will probably reassure you. This way, nobody feels awkward and you don't have to avoid each other for the rest of the time. Questions don't hurt, but ignorance does.

Avoid getting in the way. Move out of the way when you see someone attempting to navigate in a wheelchair. Move your feet out of the path of someone who is using a cane or a walker. If you notice that they might not be strong and steady on their feet, offer help verbally first. Don't invade their personal space, just as you would not invade anyone else's, but if they want assistance, be prepared to give it.
- Do not touch their wheelchair/any aid/guide dog/hearing dog/seeing eye dog/cat/any pet without asking. Remember their wheelchair/aid is their personal space; it's part of the person. Please respect that.

Be patient. For example, if the person in front of you is slowly walking down the stairs, do not mutter under your breath or sigh deeply. Show the same kind of patience that you would want in their shoes - and may in fact want in the future yourself, if your mobility is limited by a future accident or condition.

Teach your children to be kind and understanding. Take a zero tolerance policy on laughing at someone who might look strange or funny to them. Teach them that all people have feelings, just like they do, and that they should accept their differences without judgement. It's okay for children to be curious and ask you discrete questions about disability, but it's not okay for them to single out the people they see for ridicule, or make them feel uncomfortable.

Remember that age and disability do not have to be related. The young can have disabilities. Likewise, don't assume that all old people have disabilities. While growing old can impact someone's hearing, eyesight, and mobility, disability has much less to do with age than the stereotypes suggest.

Remember that people are, first and foremost, people. Offering help to someone with a disability should come from kindness, not a sense of pity or a perception of weakness. Seek to help others, and if you find yourself being offered help, regardless of whether you have a disability, accept it gratefully, with a smile and a thank you.
- Simply ignoring a person with a disability because you think the person may not want to discuss it may make the person feel inadequate. They may think that you don't want to deal with them as a fellow human being or that you are trying to avoid being asked for help. Acknowledge them like you would any other person. While disability does not define them, it is a part of their reality, and simply not acknowledging that it's there is like only acknowledging them in part.

Be respectful, above all else. Just because someone is disabled does not mean they should be treated with any less respect than anyone else. View others as people, not impairments. Focus on the person at hand, and their individual personality. If you must put a "label" on the disability, it's best to ask what terminology they prefer and stick with the terms they choose.
- Many, but not all, people with disabilities prefer "people first" language, which puts the name or person before the disability. For example, you would say "Robert has cerebral palsy," "Leslie is partially sighted," or "Sarah uses a wheelchair," rather than saying he "is mentally challenged/handicapped" (both of which are often seen as patronizing terms) or referring to "the blind girl" or "the girl in the wheelchair."

Edit Tips

Don't pity when offering help. It will probably make them uncomfortable or patronized, and it makes you seem ignorant.

If you are being bullied abused, discriminated against, or treated unfairly just because of your disability or condition, don't keep it to yourself. Be persistent and carry on reporting it to the authorities until you are taken seriously.

Avoid offensive terms. These include the obvious (retard, spastic, etc), but also terms that suggest pity or the idea that a person is defined by their disability. Avoid saying someone is "handicapped," "wheelchair-bound," or a "blind guy"; instead, use people-first language, like he "has a physical disability," "she uses a wheelchair," or he "has visual impairments."

Do not be condescending or overprotect or treat adults with disabilities/conditions as though they are children who cannot make their own decisions.

Avoid assumptions. It's ignorant to make any kinds of predictions based on someone's perceived abilities or disabilities, e.g. assuming people with disabilities/conditions will never achieve anything/find a job/have a relationship/get married/have children etc.

Never assume that a person with an invisible physical disability has a cognitive impairment. Address them directly and in a way that you would address other grown-ups.

If you see anyone with a disability, don't only talk to the accompanying adult or companion. Do not talk to the companion over a seated person's head saying things like "Do they need..?" or "What is their problem?"; it will make them feel like they're a piece of furniture or a pet, and is very rude. It will hurt their feelings and might affect the way they interact with other people in the future.

Assistive devices, especially canes and crutches, are used differently depending on the nature of each individual's needs. Just because someone is using their crutches differently than your brother did when he broke his leg doesn't mean they're using them wrong. Similarly, a person with a cane may appear perfectly steady at times. This does not mean they are 'faking' their need for the cane. They may depend more heavily on the cane as the day goes on, or they may experience sudden weakness in the legs or loss of balance. There is no single correct way to use any assistive device, so don't criticize.

There are many disabilities that do not require visible means of support. Be considerate of people who seem in pain or overly afflicted by a physical task, even if you don't know why.

Some people will customize their assistive devices - canes, walkers, wheelchairs etc. In some cases, it's about appearance. Complimenting someone on an attractively designed cane is perfectly fine. After all, they chose the cane in part because they thought it looked nice. In others, it's about function. Someone who has attached a cup holder and a flashlight to their walker probably won't mind you commenting on it or asking to take a closer look; it's certainly more polite than staring from a distance.

There are invisible disabilities. People have heart problems, Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in an early stage, or slight palsies may be able to walk, but may waver or not be able to walk well. Just because people walk doesn't mean they aren't disabled.

Remember that people who have mobility problems (wheelchairs, crutches, canes, limping, or walking stiff) often have an impaired sense of balance. Do not leave them standing in a moving vehicle like a bus or train if possible, as this can be a dangerous situation. They might easily fall when the vehicle speeds up or slows down. Don't stand at the top or bottom of a flight of stairs to wait or chat; many people cannot walk up or down stairs without a firm grip on the hand-rail.

For a person who is blind, visually impaired or partially sighted, don't be afraid to use the word 'see' e.g. did you see that? For a person using a wheelchair, terms like 'walking,' 'running,' etc. are often used.

Some people may refuse help, and that's okay. Some people might not need help, and others might be embarrassed you took notice of their need of assistance, or not want to appear weak. They might have had bad experiences with other people who helped them in the past. Do not take it personally; just wish them well.

Sadly some people with disabilities and conditions can be open for and be easy prey to bullying, abuse, hate crime, unfair treatment and discrimination. Bullying, abuse and discrimination of any kind is wrong, unfair, and are illegal. You and others have the right to be safe, be treated with respect, kindness, honesty, fairly and with dignity at all times. No one deserves bullying, abuse, hate crime, unfair treatment of any kind ever. It is the bullies, abusers who have the problem and are in the wrong, not you.

Edit Warnings

Only offer help if you are physically able to perform the task. If you know you cannot lift a baby-carriage or walker onto a bus or provide a secure hold for a person stepping off the train or bus, tell the driver or the other people on the bus that help is needed, or offer the person in need of help the use of a cellphone to call someone. Don't ignore the situation because you feel incapable of helping yourself.